During last month’s Akashic Gathering conference call we looked at what bugs us about other people, and what those bothersome traits might mean for us. As the Records pointed out, those who present us with challenges may be our greatest teachers, and therefore, our greatest servants.
Frankly, the question made a few of us squirm a bit – which, of course, told us this call was going to be rich. Even those who emailed that they couldn’t join us that night wrote they’d be doing this question on their own.
Judging Others a Symptom of Self-Judgment
So, what were our shared themes?
Well, being easier on ourselves was a big one. When we offer ourselves more grace than judgment, another person’s characteristics aren’t as challenging. And chances are when we can’t find enough wiggle room to accommodate human differences, we’re also thinking we need to be perfect — and that bothersome person is making our perfection too hard to attain.
Our Records reminded us that when we think others are judging us, it’s actually we who are judging ourselves unfairly: “We have a “negative” emotional charge about someone when they remind us of unfinished spiritual growth we desire within ourselves.”
Self-Care First Not Last
Building on that theme was this guidance: “Self-care first, not last.” In other words, when we live our lives so that we get our own needs met first, we have more energy to navigate situations that might otherwise rub us the wrong way.
This struck me as a take on the saying that we need to be selfish so we can become selfless. Or, as one person said, “If I overextend myself to someone it’s because there is some need I am hoping to have met.”
Suggestions around clarifying and enforcing boundaries also were offered, as was becoming a compassionate witness for others in our lives. When we simply witness, we are far less likely to judge.
More Play, More Fun
And what brought the most laughter? “Go play, and stop worrying!”
Frankly, I was a bit surprised at how many of us reported that our guidance included the importance of more fun and play – but then I also was surprised when it come through on my own list too 😉
And one person added ease and simplicity to the discussion without compromising wisdom with these:
- “Everyone has free choice, and what they choose is necessary for their growth;
- I am protected from the fall-out from other people’s choices;
- I may not be right about everything; and
- Things may work themselves out in surprising ways.”
Yes, what bothers us about another is often rooted in self-judgment. So, I guess it makes sense that the antidote to judging others is some form of self-care – be it greater self-acceptance, or just more plain ol’ fun.
Given that these answers are so pleasurable, you’d think we’d be more apt to read our experience of judging another as a cue for self-care. And maybe, in time, more of us will.
After all, things may work themselves out in surprising ways.
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